Gary Effh. (lurkish_afroman) wrote in badger_rp,
Gary Effh.

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Woe is me, and ho is you.

Where to begin? Last night at some ungodly hour, I took down Sean's webboard for minimal maintainence. I then proceeded to fight with the missus over my excessive lurking on the Internet. She's right, I'm wrong. It's the same sick foreplay we've been running since we got married. The outcome was different this time. Long story short, I'm staying at Diane's house tonight and I hope Sean doesn't try to make instant oatmeal in the toaster again. I wholly wish he would make use of the subscription to Report on Toasters magazine Diane and I bought him for Christmas last year. There are some interesting how-to tips that even Paul could understand.

:: GARY ::

P.S. I would just like to add that as much as Diane may try to dissuade you, I do in fact have a wife. She's a sexy fashion model and YES, it is possible for a sexy fashion model to like me. And no, it's not true that the only reason I'm staying at Diane's house tonight is because I'm terrified of being alone in the dark.
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You're married? Since when?
Since two years ago.

:: Gary ::

My name is binta, i read about you in this site and i decide to contact you for
friendship hopeing that you will accept my request,if you
accept my request ,please reply to my email address
( or send me your email so that i
will send you my photo and more about me, i believe we
can make good friends,let distance not be a barrier but
lets love connect,because love is a bridge connect far
distance to be close
Gary said:
And no, it's not true that the only reason I'm staying at Diane's house tonight is because I'm terrified of being alone in the dark.

Yeah, right.

It's not true! {gulps} I... love... the... dark.

:: Gary ::
He lies. There is no such wife. The foreplay he speaks of is nothing but sweet nothings he whispers to his computer screen before licking it and putting his CD in it's hard drive.

I got a toaster cover for the toaster. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning to a sobbing Sean, who thinks I have thrown out the toaster.

I don't lick my monitor. You lie!

I'm telling mum you harbour dangerous fugitives underneath your desk at the office.

:: Gary ::
Hey, whatever happens under my desk is between me and those dangerous fugitives.

And you do lick your monitor, I saw you. You're a Monipheliac.

HI DIANE!!!!! *waves* guess what!! i made oatmeal!!!! And its nice and toasty!!!
I'm not buying Diane another toaster, Sean. If you won't, tell your "friend" Paul to replace it.

:: Gary ::
Ach! My toaster! And I thought you wouldn't be able to find it with that new toaster cover I got...

Pssh. You weren't looking close enough. I wasn't licking the monitor.

:: Gary ::
I wasn't looking close enough? Then what was your tongue doing to the monitor, if not licking it?


:: Gary ::
....It? Oh Gary...*shakes head*

Are you calling me stupid, Gary? I'm hurt. I liked you. I thought you liked me. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

Paul Kelly
Look now, Paul. I like you. Think it over. Sean is the only person capable of making sense from a toaster magazine. You spend large amounts of time with him, thus making you capable to understand his reasoning.

- G
You like me? Fuck off you disgusting serial rapist.